Happy Love Day! Whether you woke up with a love hangover from an amazing night of whimsical passion or relieved that another commercial holiday is behind us, you probably took a moment sometime yesterday to reflect on your love life (or lack thereof). I never put much stock in Valentine’s Day when I was single and still don’t as a wife, but I did think about the people who got engaged yesterday (congrats!) and what advice I’d give to those about to embark on the beautiful, crazy, challenging roller coaster ride that is marriage.
Now. I’m no guru. (And all I really want to do in the comfort of my middle age is moisturize and mind my business), but I believe when you acquire a little wisdom, it’s only right to pass it along. With that, here they are, (in no particular order) the:
10 Things You Should Know Before You Marry*
- It’s incredibly difficult to be in a successful union if you haven’t learned to manage yourself. Get your sh*t as together as possible on as many levels as possible before you decide to merge your life with someone else. It isn’t anyone’s job to fix or complete you.
- Marry someone you genuinely LIKE. The friendship will carry you when the newness of being in love fades.
- Get on the same page at the onset, about how you will manage finances, the household, etc. Express to each other your expectations of how the marriage will work. You can’t ask someone to meet expectations you never set. (And be open to revisions – your expectations may not always be reasonable or realistic).
- Understand that marriage is not only about loving who your spouse is, but also learning to love who she/he isn’t. You’re not perfect and neither will he or she be.
- Healthy, open communication is paramount. If you can’t have a conversation without WW3 breaking out, you will struggle immensely.
- While you will and should maintain parts of your own identity, everything, after you say I do, is generally about the “good of the union.” You have entered into a life partnership. The decisions you make are about what’s best for that partnership. Find the compromises that allow each of you to pursue your goals and interests while also maintaining and growing your union.
- Don’t be naive. There is no magic Marriage Switch that turns your fiancé into the person you want them to be after you say I do. In the best-case scenario, both of you will continue to grow. Find ways to continue to grow together.
- It’s fine to have one solid person that you can trust to confide in, but otherwise keep people out of your marital business.
- Maintain appropriate boundaries with friends and associates. Don’t entertain any person or situation that can expose your union to temptation or risk.
- Be all-in, or don’t do it at all.
*This list is not exhaustive but covers a lot of the basics. What would you add?
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