Single friends: I’ve been listening to your dating struggles for a while now and I empathize. I truly do. You’ve been on what feels like a thousand first dates that rarely make it to date number two. You’ve swiped more times on these dating apps than Wayne Gretzky at a hockey puck, and if you have to answer the question, “So, what do you like to do for fun?” one more time you might catch an assault charge. 😩 I’ve been there. It’s enough to make anyone want to throw in the towel. But before you give up completely, let’s break this thing down like an old shotgun and talk about some of the potential reasons why you can’t find love.
You’re Not True to Yourself
Some of the biggest lies we tell are to ourselves. First off, are you really being you? I mean, the real you. Not who you aspire to be. Not who you think a potential partner wants to meet. YOU. Even if you manage to reel in a suitor with the very best version of your sanitized self, you won’t be able to keep up the ruse for long. Embrace your eccentricities. For some, you might be too much. For others, not enough – but the right person will love your package just the way it’s delivered.
Your Expectations Are Unrealistic
*sigh* So that six-figure earning, sweet, sensitive, take-charge, well-traveled somebody with hazel eyes, a hot body, good credit, and an extensive real estate portfolio hasn’t shown up yet, huh? Honey. These expectations. 🤦🏾♀️ We all have them, but a periodic check to make sure they’re aligned with reality is always a good idea. For instance, ever heard that you shouldn’t have to teach someone how to treat you? 🙄 Lies! Are you looking for a partner or one of Dionne’s psychic friends?
In any good relationship, you’ve got to communicate your needs, desires, and boundaries. It’s all part of the fun (and frustration) of getting to know someone. Nobody’s out here reading minds, love. Approaching a relationship with the thought of what a person can do for you instead of what you can potentially build together is a setup for a letdown. If you do insist on lofty expectations be sure that you are, at the very least, offering just as much as you are requiring.
You’re Still Talking About That Damn Table
Friend, stop bragging about what you bring to “the table.” You have every right to be proud of your accomplishments, but how much money you have or the number of degrees you’ve obtained is no indication of whether or not you’ll be a good partner. Are you compassionate? Self-aware? Open to compromise? Can you admit when you’re wrong? Two people can bring a whole lot to “the table” but if essentials like good character, trust, and a commitment to continuous improvement (yours and that of the union) are missing, nobody’s getting fed.
You Get Most of Your Guidance from Social Media
Social media is full of so-called “experts” offering love advice, but a lot of it is situational at best and hot garbage at worst. Instead of crowdsourcing your love advice from people as lost as you are, look to people in real, healthy relationships for wisdom. They’ve been there, done that, and can give you the real deal, not just clickbait. And remember: Different strokes for different folks, right? Don’t let fear of judgment from others cause you to miss out on a potential mate. If you’re dating someone who is a little different from what you’re used to or missing some of your usual “must-haves” and it’s actually going well – see it through!
Your Standards Are Too Rigid
Having standards? Essential. But that laundry list of must-haves? Toss it. Burn it. Erase it from your mind. ‘Cause newsflash: Everyone settles. Yep, I said it. Everyone. No one gets 100% of what they want in a mate because we’re all imperfect. Have your (reasonable) non-negotiables, but otherwise learn to embrace the quirks and differences because they will be there.
Be Honest, Open, and Ready
Do you really want love? I mean real love – not the fairytale. It’s a messy, beautiful, crazy adventure that is not for the faint of heart. If it is what you want, keep your heart open, stay grounded in your expectations, and continue to work on yourself in the meantime so you’ll be ready when the right one comes along. ❤️
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